through thick and thin we will find our way
by Nataku-sensei
Summary: the story is based on my imagination. i hope you all like it. um, it is mainly form the POV of Severus.


Author's Note: I have been writing this story that has been in my head and on and off on paper for some time. It is one that when daydreaming it; it makes sense but has I lack great skills in writing I don't get it across that well. So here is a go. The characters age will be different from what their actual ages are. So hope you like it.

Severus: 23 years old height: 5'6

Harry Potter: 17 years old height: 6'2

Albus: use your own imagination (: P)

Alex: 3 years old

I have been called a lot of things though out my life. Some I would say are quite laughable, like I cast wind spells to make my robes billow at will [which I must say is false, I believe it comes naturally]. Through the years I honestly stopped caring what had been said about me except for one person's opinion in the past, now I just care about one special person, my son Alex. It has been close to four years that I had left the magical world for the muggle town I reside in. After the final battle against the dark lord, and clearing my name of any hatred towards me, I couldn't stay there. You must be thinking that I wanted to start a fresh new life and such but, your wrong. There has been a secret that I have been hiding from my son for close to five years. My son, who I love with all my heart and will do anything to protect him, I have not told him where his father is and that he doesn't even know that he exist. How could I, how could I come and say that his father was a student that I had a secret affair with for two years and than he betrayed me in the end. The affair I do not even remember how it started but, from walking at the edge of the forbidden forest entrance on a moonless night to locking lips and continuous meeting in secret with none other than Harry Potter it was like a dream that I did not want to wake but in the end I did.

From that fateful day, we had met in secret at the entrance to the forest. At first we just talk about anything and everything, walked from one corner to the other holding hands, we would sit and just enjoy the silence that falls upon us and gaze at the moon and stars. It had been going on for a year and a half and not even Albus found out about it. I had never been in a relationship before this and deep within me I _knew_ Harry was the one for me, so two weeks before Halloween of his last year and our second anniversary of our first meet, I did something that I had never done before. Harry already had my heart and soul and on that day I asked him to met me at our place at night and, and I gave him there under the night sky, my body. It was magical, I wanted it to last forever, I opened my heart like I had never opened it before, and I loved like I have never loved anything in my life other than my potion. I thought that with this I could tell him what I couldn't voice throughout our meetings those three words. I didn't know how to, my mother was the only one that had loved me but was killed by my father when I was eight and I was hated and made fun of throughout my school years so I had no way of saying it. So with this action I thought I got through to him on how much I love him, how that giving him my body, heart and soul he could feel, _hear_ what I cannot say in words what he meant to me.

The day came of the battle and it was horrid. Children at that age should not witnessed nor participate on killing others but it seems that even the first years had mature to engage with this battle. It had gone for the whole day and everyone was growing tired but we the adults had protected most of the students from any harm that when the stuck of midnight came it happened, up top of the hill stood Harry and the dark lord and in a flash of green light we see Voldermort fall. The war is over. The evil that had cover the magical world is gone. Harry is finally free from his duty and he, _we_ could be together. I wanted to run to him, throw myself on him, kiss him so all can see that we are a couple and do not have to hide no longer. I had a smile on my face that I had never allowed myself to do in front of others and was a few yards away from the man that I love that I saw it, I saw my life just crumple in million of pieces in just that second, in just that kiss.

I had heard rumors for sometimes that Harry and Ron's sister: Ginny, were a couple but I ignored it cause every night we would met and be together until the sun raised, he would hold me and kiss me and tell me that he loves me so I ignored it and believed in what he always whispered to me. When I saw her run towards him and kiss him and, and Harry not pushing her away but putting his arms around her, my world collapsed, all the sweet words he said, the soft touches and kisses, when he held me in his arms after we made love, everything just… hurt. I was hurting so badly, I couldn't continue watching, I had to leave, run, scream, _flee_. I left everything behind but my broom and flew away from there. I don't remember how long I was in the air but I arrived at my safe house at sunrise. I arrived at a hidden house of my mother in the muggle area where not even the ministry knew about and cried. I cried it may seem for weeks, my whole world had shattered, I had meant nothing to the one good thing that had happen in my life and now I pay the price for opening up my heart and falling in love.

I sent two mails by owl, which I place a trace me not spell on it so no one can find out where I was, one was to the ministry and one to Albus: my resignation and my court for clearing my name of any crime that was bestowed on me. I stayed hidden from the world and only came out of the house for the court day and fled again. I hadn't even seen Harry there so it hurt more that even if he was with _her_ I thought that he would just show for support and nothing else but not even that did he bestow upon me. Few weeks had turn to months and within that time I had decided to become an author in writing mystery stories and writing potion books, I had also used a pen name so it can appear as if Severus Snape vanished in thin air. My pen name for my work is Eric Prince. After my third month into my 'new life' I started to feel weird, weird as in I had been getting morning sickness and than on one night I suddenly awoke and saw a blue light surrounding my abdomen area.

Scared as I was I researched everything on this light, I searched and searched and searched until I found it. I thought the event of the lost of my true love was hurtful, finding out that one is pregnant with the child of the man he loves is devastating. I once again cried, not just for losing Harry but angry because I was betrayed and lied to. I cried of grief that I meant nothing to him and now his kid wont either. I cried of sadness that even if he didn't want me he should know that he had a child, and I cried of pure joy that even if we were not together no more he had given me a beautiful thing and I wont let nothing take it away from me.

I was a bit scared of who to talk to and which doctor to go for I didn't want the media to find out I was with child and than word go to _him_, no I thought long and hard of who I could trust that the only name that came to mind was Poppy. I sent her a mail to ask her to meet with me away from the wizarding world and as the day approached I was rehearsing what I wanted to say and to find out of what I have to do to keep my child safe. Within a small coffee shop we sat and in a secluded corner with a silence shield up I told her what had happen to me BUT I excluded the paternity of the father of my child. She swear to oath that what she heard will be kept a secret and that no one will find out and she also recommended me to her brother and his husband who run a small hospital for male pregnancy. I bid her farewell and promised to keep her up to date with my progress and headed to meet Dr. Alexander Johnson and Dr. James Pomfrey the next day.

After our talk and their kind words of what I should eat what to expect [Dr. Alexander was the one who carried for his husband who they have a beautiful one year old daughter Grace] we had become great friends and they had allowed me to stay with them to learn how to care for a child and such. As months past by and my stomach had grown bigger I would once in a while glance at the paper and see what has been going on in the wizarding world: out of curiosity only. I found out that Albus is still the head of Hogwarts, Minnie had retired and in her place Ms. Hermione Garner-Wesley had enter for her post with Mr. Ron Wesley has a second professor in the athletic department. I wasn't curious nor was I wishing to hear that he was not married but when I gazed at the middle story about the war hero I was a bit happy. The article was named "War Hero Searching for Lost Love" a quick glance at the article it states that he has been searching for someone for quite sometime but has not said whom that person is but what that person meant to him. Before I read the whole article, before my hopes roused I quickly closed the paper and haven't opened one since that day.

Months drew by and in one of my appointment I find out the sex of my child, a baby boy.

It is now my last month, I had past with great health these eight months for so I am now in my room worried of what is going to happen next. You see, even if Alex and James run this small hospital, it does not have the equipment for the birth of a child, so I must go back to the wizarding world and give birth in the hospital there. I am debating on how to arrive, flew is out of the question for it may harm me and flying not good for the child nor me, so that last thing is to drive there: the knight bus. For close to fifty minutes I saw my life past in front of my eyes and almost kissed the ground when we arrived. We agreed that Poppy would meet us there and I would have a notice me not spell on me so no one sees me enter. Even with the knowledge of not knowing why I wanted to stay hiding they still helped me.

After what felt like twelve hours but just two, Alex James Potter-Snape was born. I kept my name and Harry but with also a bit of a help in the ministry office from a friend who owe me something, the birth papers of my son could be past without a glance, my secret had been kept.

Now, standing in the middle of my living room, facing my three-year-old son and dreading to answer the question he stated I try to think how to answer. "Papa, where is Father?" within the seconds I have I played scenarios in my head but come up blank, so I go the liquor cabinet where I have a hidden book and return to the sofa and pick my son and place him on my lap I tell him the tale of how I met his father.

"Why did you not call him papa, he no love us?" I look into the eyes of my son and had to fight the tears that wanted to fall. "I don't know son, but I… I know that if he met you he would love you very much" I kiss the head of my son and think if Harry would actually love my son if he met him. "Can I see father, papa please!" Do I want to risk the happiness that I have found so my son could meet his father? Would he be happy or depress when we find out he doesn't care about him? Would I break down again if I see him? "I… I don… son, I don't think…yes, we will see your father but you must stay quite and not speak loud we will be going to a school were he works. At the hospital Poppy informed me [I am not quite sure why] but that Harry had taken up the offer to teach DADA and has broken the curse of that class.

Two weeks had past and I am standing at the entrance gate to the school. I called three days ahead to inform Albus that I will be coming to gather what little I left those years ago excluded the info of my son who came with me. Crutching down to be at the eye level of my son, I calmly place my hands on his shoulders and look into his eyes I ask something that I know would be hard for him to keep. "Alex, your father works here but he doesn't know we are here, um, it's a surprise. I want you to stay quite when you see him until I talk with him okay." "Okay papa. I stay quite"

Grateful that the halls are empty and no soul can be seen, we head to the gargoyle that is protecting the entrance to the head master's room, and it hits me, I had completely forgotten what the password was. I know that Albus told me when I called him but with my thoughts going haywire it had vanished. Ten minutes standing in front of this ugly statue I am about to turn around and give up when a voice that I have not heard in some years said, "Shoe lace gummies". Slowly, so very slowly I turn and am kind of hoping not to see him at this moment but I have bad luck.

"Severus… is… is it really you?"

"Harry"

"FATHER!"

_Chapter 2_

"FATHER!"

"Father?"

I snap out of my stupidity and think fast of what to say.

"This is my son Alex" turning around and going eye level with my son I say in a low, low voice which only my son and me could hear I place my hand on his shoulder and tell him. "_Not now son, remember secret. I will tell you when okay" "okay Papa." _

"Thank you for the password, I umm, I must be on my way now. Thank you"

"Wait Severus! Where, where have you been? I have been looking for you for… for a long time. I need to tell you something. Can we… can we talk?"

"…"

"Please"

"After this meeting with Albus, I will… I'll… I'll be… I'll, I'll meet you at the entrance to the forest. I'll meet you there and we could talk. Good day Harry, come on son"

"So your married."

Before I can answer him my son decided to forget what I said and answered before I could stop him.

"No, Papa isn't married. It's only Papa and me. Papa still loves father so we here to see father. And I am going to see father, Papa, do you think father will like me? Do you think he will let me call him daddy?" My son was saying all this while looking straight at Harry.

"Alex!" kneeing down I look at Alex again not even glancing at Harry's direction to see what facial expression he has on "remember what I told you." "Sorry Papa."

Taking deep breaths I try my hardest to settle my heart rate. Within the past minutes I met the man that I still love, had my son declare almost the truth that Harry is his father [I had shown photos of Harry to him when he asked about his father] and to put the icing on the cake, set a time to talk to him! I feel like just to turn around and run away, but I promised my son and agreed to the met and I always keep my promises. Taking another deep breath I knock on the door and wait for an answer.

"Come in Severus, I have been waiting"

All my life I still do not know how he does that, how he knows who is on the other side of the door.

"What may I have the privilege of this meet today, and who may I ask is this little man."

"I Alex sir and I are three years old!"

"Well hello Alex. Lemon drop?"

"Papa, may I have a lemon hop?"

"Papa?"

Why oh why had I promised my son this. I really don't wish to talk about my private life but now I cannot escape this hell I placed myself in. For two hours I stayed in the office talking to Albus. When it came to something that I had not told my son, I asked if Poppy could come and take him so he does not hear this… and it was his nap time also.

"Let me understand this Severus. You left for you saw that Miss. Wesley kissed Harry and you also held the secret of being pregnant with his child, but when your son asked about his father you told him half the truth and now Alex wishes to see his father that you are complying to his request under your guilt of denying their knowledge, well Harry's knowledge of his son"

"In a summary yes. I know what I had done is wrong and Harry should of known about his son but Albus I couldn't. I couldn't just go to him and tell him 'I know you don't love me no more but guess what you are going to be a father.' No Albus I couldn't do that, call me a coward I don't care but I was hurting!"

"Son, have you read the papers from these past three years?"

"No I tried not to see them. I glance at one but I closed it before finishing reading."

"So you have not seen nor heard what has been going on here. What has been going on with Harry?"

"No, why do you ask. If it's about his marriage to the Wesley girl than don't tell me anything."

"No, Harry as never married. He has been searching for someone. He never told us who but he has been searching and with what you have told me now it is you that he has been trying to find."

I am dumb founded, all this time he has been trying to find me.

"But why"

"I believe you have to ask him that."

Leaving Albus office, I find myself walking the halls in a dazed. He has been trying to look for me. Why, did he want to tell me he loves me or that we were nothing? Did he want to continue what we had or end it? Did he want me? Shaking my head I decided to get Alex and leave, I couldn't talk to him today, I can't talk to him right now I am not ready to hear what he has to say and maybe I don't want to. I have to lie to my son whom I hate to lie to but I just can't face Harry right now. Opening up the doors to the nurse's office I stop dead in my tracks. Harry was there with my son, Alex was sleeping in one of the beds and he was just there sitting down and staring at him. I couldn't move I couldn't breath. Father and son there side by side but one of them didn't know that. My emotions are running high now, I can't control the fear, sadness and happiness that has seem like they erupted in me. My son, my son who I love with my whole heart is just an arm away from his father and said father is gazing at him with this look that I don't know what it means. Longing, sadness, loving, angry I don't know what it is and I can't seem to see him for he is getting blurry. I thought that I could get myself under control but than the dam broke when Harry reached across and touched Alex's cheek that I cried.

I'm falling.

I don't know how but I was falling to the ground, I was emotionally breaking and when I felt arms that I wished so hard to feel again surround me I cried harder. I cried and than I screamed in anger. I started hitting him and screaming everything I felt, everything I felt for the three years, from the battle to all the birthdays he missed, the Christmases he was never there. I cried and yelled.

"Severus, stop! STOP! Please Sev!"

"PAPA!"

I froze. I froze when I heard my son. I froze when I heard his voice. I pushed myself away from Harry and ran to my son. I got my son in my arms and tried to leave. I had to leave. But he grabbed me and put his arms around us.

"Severus Please calm down! Please! Please Severus calm down. I wont hurt you nor… nor my son."

"Papa. You're hurting me."

I was squeezing my son so hard that I almost dropped him when he said that. I push myself away from Harry and looked at my son, checking to see if I did cause him harm and asking him where he hurt. I didn't even finish when I was yanked around and was staring into the deepest green eyes of the man I love.

"Severus is it true. Is it true what you said, is it true that Alex is my son."

Looking at his eyes and seeing what I believe as a glimpse of hope I battle with saying the truth or hiding it. I battle with what I want to say and I look at my son and my decision was made.

In a small voice, which I don't know if he heard it at all I said is "_yes"_

_Chapter 3_

"_Yes"_

I said it. With just that word, a three-letter word I have told the truth. I know that he will have more questions and that he will want to talk to both of us but right now I am exhausted. My emotions have had a field day and I cannot take it any more that I blacked out. I don't know how much time has past or what had happen from my fainting to my waking but I find myself in a warm bed with a fire blazing in a corner and surrounded by pillows.

I am alone in this room, at first I thought it was my home that all what happened was a dream but when the door opened it all came crashing down. Harry walks in with what looks like a glass of water and some fruits. I look around in a panic and it seems like he understands me that he says…

"He is sleeping in the guest room that I have. It seems he had a rough day today and was too tired to stay awake. Here Severus, drink this and Poppy said to give you fruits for you missed dinner and it is a bit late to eat."

Taking the offered items, I look around the room and see that the moon is out. _What time is it?_

"What time is it?"

"It's quarter past eleven"

"How long have I been out?"

"You have been asleep for close to six hours."

"I must leave"

Removing the blankets before Harry had a chance to open his mouth, I place both feet and stand that I falter and if he had not caught me I would of hit the ground hard.

"Severus you are still tired and a bit weak. Poppy said to rest for the night and you may leave in the morning"

"No! I mean no, I wish to go home."

"No Severus. We have to talk. We _will_ talk."

Not having enough energy to battle, I sigh and sat down on the edge of the bed and said

"Okay"

Glancing up, it had become silence for a time I see Harry pacing the room with harsh steps that when he took out his wand and placed a silence spell on the room but with the ability of still hearing if Alex needed anything he stops and looks at me.

"Why did you leave?"

"There was nothing left for me here. Why stay."

"What do you mean there was nothing for you, I was here! I looked for you! I thought one of them got to you. I… I was going crazy that you died!"

Unbelievable, I look at him and just stare at him. My anger that had fizzle blared up.

"You were going crazy! I… I saw you! I saw you with that… that… WESLEY! You were kissing her! KISSING HER! You had your arms around her! What you expected me to stay and be your dirty secret while you live life with her. NO! I wasn't going to do that. You… you, I don't even know what to say but this. I loved you; I gave you my heart and soul AND BODY! I gave you EVERYTHING for what. So you could throw it in my face that you didn't want me. That I was nothing to you."

"NO! Severus that is not what happened!"

"Oh, so that kiss your arms around her was a fragment of my imagination!"

"No, yes, NO!"

"Than what the hell did I get wrong oh savior of the wizarding world!"

"I didn't kiss her! [Sigh] you got it wrong Severus. That night, on that hill when I gave the final blow to Voldermort, I was happy. I was free from that stupid prophecy. I could be a normal person; I could finally be free from that. I could finally come out in the open about us, _us!_ But I don't know why she did that but I pushed her away. I PUSHED HER AWAY!"

I don't what to hear this. I am scared and am taping my ears so no more words can be heard. I don't want to hear it, I don't want to know that it could have been a misunderstanding from me and that if I just stayed for that bit, for just a few more minutes I would of seen him push her away but I ran. I ran like the coward I am. I sat down on the bed again and I saw the movements of robes and a gentle touch on my knees. I shut eyes tightly and my hand pushing on my ears to not hear anything.

"Severus. Please listen to me. When I pushed her away I thought I saw you run. I thought… now I know it was you but I saw who I thought was you jump on your broom and you were gone. I screamed your name I ran to see if I could of just extended my arms I could of pulled you back. I blacked out, out of the exhaustion from using so much magick that when I woke to I asked Albus where you were and he said you left. That three days ago you had a court hearing to clear your name and than you vanished, out of thin air."

Grabbing my facing and forcing me to look at him he continues.

"I looked everywhere for you, I posted in the papers for any information of your where about. I searched for you. I even accepted this job just in hopes of you returning here! Severus, I LOVE you. I love you with all my heart, and I never wanted nor want to hurt you. You, you have been my life I was died without you! When I saw you standing there at the entrance of Albus office I thought my dreams have come true. You have returned to me, but when I saw you with a child I faltered. Questions of _where you married, did you move on_ ran across my mind and than at the nurse office where you said that Alex is my son I felt so much joy, so much happiness that I just wanted to kiss you! But than I felt sadness, the years that I had lost in seeing him grow, seeing you with child, going to the doctors, his first steps, word, teeth, I had miss that for… for something we both didn't have control over."

All my fear of Harry not wanting Alex, of him moving on with that woman, that his feelings were false seemed to escape from my body and left me weaker than what I was at the moment. I look into his eyes and see the truth in what he is saying.

"I was scared Harry, scared that I meant nothing to you so I fled. I ran to not have to see that again. I didn't even know I was pregnant after three months and I didn't have the courage to tell you. All these years that past I always wished that you were there, that Alex had you there and that I had you there but I was scared of being hurt. [Laugh] the evil bat of the dungeons scared of being hurt."

Tears where running down my face and Harry gently wiped them away with a brush of his thumb. No words where said after that we just looked at each other, the silence was our forgiveness and our joining. As he gently places both of his hands on my checks he moves me closer to him and in that one gesture we came together in a sweet most love filled kiss. Placing my arms around his neck and his arms around my waist we deepen the kiss. Years of wanting, waiting, loving each other, for just this moment all our feelings was placed in this kiss.

Laying me down on the bed he moves on top of me gently moving his hands over my body, as if he was trying to remember every nuke and curves that was almost forgotten due to time apart. Placing his had under my shirt and pulling it up to remove it, lost in this feeling it all broke with the voice of my son.

"Papa!"

We separate from the kiss and I in a panic try to remove myself from my position and go to my son but Harry calms me. Fixing my clothing before leaving the room at the door I turn and look at Harry.

"Would you like to talk to your son?"

Placing a gentle kiss to my cheek, Harry answers, "Yes, I would love that."

I don't know what the future will hold for us and it is scary trying to see it but what happens here and now is what I want to bathe in. To finally be together with the person I love and have the two most important men in my life reunite is a blessing. Entering the room that my son is in we join hands and smile to each other. All will be okay from now on, cause I have found my one true love at last.

Author's note: I know, I know that my grammar is horrible but as I said in the beginning, in my head it made more sense. LOL so, how did you like it? I think this is the second longest one I ever wrote. Review please!


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